


Wish That I Could Stay Forever This Young (Not Afraid to Close My Eyes)

by silver_bubbles



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A shit ton of characters, Angst, Avengers: Endgame fix it with a side of angst and pain, Barrels and barrels and barrels of angst, Endgame fix-it (sort of), Everyone in the Endgame final battle, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Tony Stark, I cried writing this, I'm drowning in it, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker and Morgan Stark are siblings (not really but whatevs), Please Don't Kill Me, Really long one-shot, S o b b I n g, Unfair use of the 'I love you 3000' line, Whump, and an edit, and my tears, inspired by a song, no seriously what the hell did i do, try and change my mind, what did I do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-27 16:18:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19794514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_bubbles/pseuds/silver_bubbles
Summary: It's in the final minutes of the fight that everything goes south. Peter can see it- Tony, Thor, Steve, and Carol aren't strong enough to take the infinity stones and keep them away. They keep getting hit, keep falling down and forcing themselves back up, but there's only so much they can do.So Peter steps up.He jumps into the fight between Carol and Tony, shoving Steve out of harm's way when Thanos swings his sword a bit too close for comfort, and catches the blade between his hands. The momentum carries him up and over the titan's head in an arc so that he lands behind him and sends himself crashing straight into Thanos' back, feet-first.The impact knocks them both to the ground. Over the ringing in his ears, Peter can hear Tony screaming- screaming- for him to get out of the way and let them handle it, but he knows he can't move.He can do this. He's ready.He's willing to sacrifice everything to make sure everyone else is safe.(Inspired by this edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCRw7ZKPj5o WARNING: will make you cry ugly tears)





	Wish That I Could Stay Forever This Young (Not Afraid to Close My Eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> So I was working on the next chappie of The Fire's Out (But Still it Burns) when I decided to try my hand at an angsty Endgame fix-it because why the hell not. It's not canon compliant, because I can't even think about the end of that damn movie without breaking out in tears (isn't it the truth with us all, though?), but I don't care.
> 
> Heavy angst ahead, loves. Heavy, heavy angst. 
> 
> P.S: if you haven't watched the video link, here it is again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCRw7ZKPj5o. Whoever made this edit is an amazing person and I commend you personally. I cried very, very hard, which is what I think you were trying for.
> 
> P.P.S: Might do a Part 2. I dunno yet. Comments, opinions, whatever? You know what to do.

There's a feeling that parents get when they know that something's wrong with their children. It starts as a buzzing in the pit of their stomachs, a sort of precursor to what lies ahead. A warning, if you will. The next step is sheer, insurmountable _horror_ at the idea that their kids are in danger and they immediately know that they'll do _anything_ to help them, to keep them safe.

The last step is the tears and anger. Fun, I know.

So does Tony. He never thought he would- at least, not in early life. Kids were never on the agenda for the great Tony Stark, alcoholic and superhero extraordinaire. Never mind the unsafe environment and lack of healthy living choices, he just didn't _want_ them, and that was final.

And then Peter Parker came along, dressed in a beat-up hoodie the color of the cherry and wearing a pair of goggles that made him look like an absolute _doofus_ , and Tony fell irrevocably in love with the idea of having small beings of his own.

Peter was the first child other than Harley Keener that he had ever cared about. The first child he was willing to put everything aside for to save.

The first child that died on his watch.

After the snap, Tony made it back to Earth with an angry female smurf and a broken heart. Everyone had asked what was wrong, like it wasn't obvious.

_I lost the kid._

He lost the kid.

He. Lost. The. Kid.

It took a few months for him to pull himself together and get both himself and Pepper Potts, the love of his life, to a safer place. To get them farther away from the fight.

And then came Morgan, and the break in Tony's heart was taped up. Not fixed, but better.

Because here's this little girl- this _small being_ \- who walks like Tony, smiles at Tony, and acts like Pepper (thank God). Here's this little girl that mimics everything he says and looks just like him, has his eyes and his hair and his skin color. Down to the last detail.

Here's this little girl who he loves just as much as Peter Parker.

Morgan's heard stories about him. Pepper calls him her godfather, because if the kid was still there, Tony sure as _hell_ would've given him the role. She calls Peter Morgan's big brother and fills her head with tales about a spider swinging through Queens and saving her father's stuff from birds and bad men.

She tells him about the boy who went away and couldn't come back.

Morgan doesn't understand death yet. At all. And she doesn't have to, because she's _four_ , for God's sake. Tony doesn't want to pull her into this mess any more than he has to, so for a while, Morgan stays sheltered. 

She doesn't know about how Peter Parker, her surrogate big brother- the one she's never met and will never meet, thanks to a certain purple grape who Steve says is dead- died in her father's arms, crying and begging and _pleading_ for his life.

_Mister Stark?_

How he was wearing the suit- that damn suit that Tony believed would protect him from whatever came. He was foolish to think it would be enough.

_I- I don't feel so good._

How Tony managed to work himself into a frenzy, gripping at the kid's forearms and trying to ground him. How Peter had staggered and fallen against his shoulder, sobbing into his broken suit. Tony had cried then, while he tried to pull himself together and tell _his kid_ that everything would be alright. 

_I don't know what's happening._

How, days after the incident, while he had been on the Milano with Nebula, Tony had figured out why it had taken so long for Peter to disappear. Spider-Man was an enhanced- he had enhanced powers, enhanced emotions, enhanced _senses_. He had been able to fight the pull of the Infinity Stones as his very cells grappled to keep him alive.

Peter Parker had felt every bit of his body disappearing out from under his own fingers, piece by piece by piece, until there was nothing left. Until all that remained was dust and an empty promise.

_I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, Sir. Please..._

**_You're alright_** , Tony had said. **_You're gonna be alright_**. He hadn't told the kid good-bye, or that he had royally screwed up, or that the suit wasn't all he had cracked it up to be. He hadn't told the kid how much he loved him.

_Please, I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go. I-_

Peter Parker had died afraid, in pain, and next to the one person he had always looked up to.

_I'm sorry._

Ashes, ashes, falling on the floor.

"I'm sorry". Of course the kid was sorry. He was _always_ sorry. Even though the fault belonged to Tony. 

But whose last words were an apology?

Peter Benjamin Parker, the _amazing_ Spider-Man.

The _dead_ hero of Queens, gone in his prime. _Sixteen years old_.

A monument to Tony's sins.

**_______________**

Pepper's in the kitchen when he walks in at three in the morning, shaken from yet another nightmare and unable to fall back asleep. There are two mugs of what looks like hot cocoa sitting on the table, filled to the brim with marshmallows and creamy fluff and steam from the heat. She turns and smiles sweetly, her bangs brushing against her forehead. 

"Hey, Tony," she says. The smell of chocolate wafts across the kitchen (it's almost enough to make him feel better. Almost). "Couldn't sleep?"

Tony scoffs, shakes his head. Sits down heavily and places his head in his hands. His shoulders shake. "I haven't slept in days, Pep. Why should tonight be any different?"

A sigh.

"I'm here to help you, okay? I know you don't think of it like that, but I _am_. You just have to... ask for it, I guess."

And here's another person Tony has disappointed. Virginia "Pepper" Potts, the most amazing woman he's ever met, and another in a long line of people who have seen the _real_ side of Tony Stark.

The cowardly side of Tony Stark.

It's bad enough that he'd disappointed- no, _failed_ \- Peter. Pepper... he can't afford to hurt her any more than he already has.

"I know, Pep," he sighs. "I know. And you understand how grateful I am for that, right?"

Her smile softens. Pepper reaches over to tousle Tony's hair, messing with the strands around his ears like she wants to braid them. "Yeah, Tony. You tell me every day."

A pause. In the background, the television crackles with static (even the Starks lose internet sometimes, apparently). The smell of hot cocoa gets stronger and stronger until it's practically intoxicating. Tony takes a deep breath.

"Was it the kid?"

_It always is._

"Yeah. It was... it was the kid."

"Peter, right? Parker?" Pepper tries for a hopeful tone.

"Peter Benjamin Parker."

Quiet. _Nice job, Tones, way to kill the mood there._

"Good name."

"The best."

"Tell me about him."

She doesn't know how much it hurts to even _think_ about Peter. How could she? May Parker is the only one who could ever understand, and three months after the snap, Tony had discovered that she had been another one of Thanos' victims. Another skull in the pile, just like her nephew.

Tony pulls himself together and nods.

"He was... _God_ , there's no way to put this. Peter was one of the best kids I've ever met, Pepper. One of the best. Other than Morgan, of course. But he was..." He sighs. "He was too young for what happened. Fighting _Captain America_ at fourteen, the Vulture at fifteen, Thanos at sixteen."

"He was a strong one," she whispers, placing a hand on his arm and rubbing it gently. "Just like you."

"He shouldn't have had to been strong." Tony shakes his head and brushes her off, blinking away the tears pricking at his eyes.

"But he was, and that's what's important, right?"

Heat burns through the back of his head into his eyes, burning like a wildfire. He can feel his gaze darkening- can feel himself reaching a point of no return- and doesn't bother to stop himself.

"What's important is that he _died!"_

Silence.

Pepper blinks, her cheeks paling rapidly behind bright freckles as the full weight of what she had said hits her. She tries to backtrack, eyes frantically darting back and forth between the cabin fire and Tony's clenched jaw.

"I- I'm sorry, Tony. I know how important he was to you."

"He was more than that. He was- Peter was my everything for a while there, Pep. He was-" A single sob escapes his lips, choked and frantic, and just like that... the storm breaks.

Pepper leans in and offers up her shoulder as Tony cries, harder and harder until he can barely breathe. It takes nothing more than her gesture to pull him into her side, nestled deep in her arms. He sobs into her pajama blouse and gripps her biceps like she was his last lifeline above an endless sky, because, in a way, she is.

Pepper and Morgan are the last things he had to fight for.

He couldn't lose them like he had lost Peter. Nobody deserved to feel the way he had.

Tony and Pepper stay that way for what felt like hours, holding each other and mourning what they had lost, before they were interrupted by the pitter-patter of small feet on the main staircase. Tony quickly dries his tears and turns with a big smile.

Morgan steps into the light, her messy hair piled up on top of her head. She rubs her eyes and frowns, taking in her father's frazzled appearance, before walking into the living room and sitting down between him and Pepper.

"What are you doing up?" Tony asks, his eyebrows steadily climbing up his forehead. "Little girls like you are supposed to be asleep."

"Couldn't. 'M not tired."

Pepper smiles. Tries to cover up the tear stains on her blouse.

"What do you want us to do, then?"

"Tell me a story?"

Pepper and Tony look at each other, carrying out a silent debate. Tony's the first to turn back and nod decisively.

"I'm going to tell you about the time your big brother picked a fight with a bunch of fake Avengers inside a bank."

**_______________**

Pain.

So, so much pain. It feels like every atom in Peter's body, every _molecule,_ has decided that it would be fun if they spontaneously combust and leave him feeling like a charred piece of roadkill.

And then it gets _worse_ , if that's possible, sending him into a fit of sobs and quiet groans as he tries to pull himself together and forget the fire that had taken over his entire being. There's no escape, no soothing balm.

Just fire.

 _Tony_.

The last thing he remembers is the battle on Titan, with Mister Stark and the slapped-together Guardians of the Galaxy. And Mister Doctor, of course. Couldn't forget him. The infinity stones, the gauntlet, Thanos, and a few portals.

Mister Stark had been stabbed.

Then, the waiting had begun. Peter had sat with his mentor for two hours, one hand carefully supporting him as the other tried to stem the blood flow. They had stayed there for what had seemed like hours, silently _praying_ for Steve and the others to pull through and do what needed to be done.

And then had come the pain.

First, it had been Quill. Then Mantis, Drax, and Mister Doctor, dissolving into thin air and disappearing.

Peter had felt it before he had seen it.

The feeling had started as a tingling in his hands, just like when he sat on them and managed to make them fall asleep. Peter had known what was going to happen before it did, and the pure shot of fear that had spread through his body had been blinding and immediate. For a minute, he had been suspended in time.

Dust filled the air around his face and everything _hurt_.

He had staggered over to Mister Stark, grabbing him and holding him as close as he could, because he _knew_ what was happening. He could feel his very being slipping away, just like the others had.

There was no fighting it.

_I don't feel so good._

And that's all he remembers.

Peter groans again as another nuclear explosion spreads through his veins, arching his back up as far as it could go to try and ease the pain. He can vaguely feel something solid beneath his grasping hands, but it's not enough to ground him, not enough to pull him back into reality.

Never enough.

"Kid?"

A voice. Male, rough, and extremely familiar.

"Kid, you've gotta wake up for me, now."

The man who had given away the time stone to save Mister Stark. 

_"Mister Doctor?"_ Peter croaks, squeezing his eyes shut so much that it almost hurts and relaxing into the dust. 

A wet laugh. "That's it, kid. Not quite, but close."

"Mmm... wha's happenin'?"

Mister Doctor laughs again, and a large, shaking hand falls to Peter's shoulder. It's warm, encompassing his joint and sending an intense heat through his body. A heat that forces the pain away.

"You have to wake up for that."

Peter groans again and opens his eyes, squinting against the orange light that shines through his lashes. Mister Doctor's face comes into view, blurry and relieved, and his hand is removed.

"Hi," Peter says, grinning stupidly and sitting up. His muscles scream in protest. He ignores them. "Ah... thanks? I think."

"Don't thank me, kid. Not yet, at least."

He nods, only _slightly_ confused, and looks around. A group of people have surrounded him- Mister Doctor, the entirety of the Guardians, Black Panther and his sister, the Winter Soldier, Falcon, Scarlet Witch...

"Shit. I'm dead, aren't I?"

The Winter Soldier snorts and slugs him in the arm, brushing a strand of long hair out of his face. "Yup. But not all the way."

"Shit."

Mister Doctor shrugs. "That's just about right. Welcome to the club."

Peter winces and struggles to stand, taking Falcon's offered hand and forcing himself to his feet. His legs are like jelly- not listening to a single order his brain sends him. Winter Soldier holds his metal arm out and wraps it around his shoulders, supporting him as he tries to pull himself together.

"So, what now? We're dead... are we done?" He asks shakily. "Do we just... stay here? Forever?"

"Nah."

"There's still work to be done," Mister Doctor says, straightening out the folds of his cloak. "And, by the way... it's Strange, not Mister Doctor."

**_______________**

Peter has taken refuge under a large tree in the golden plain they've been sent to, isolated from the rest of the group. Bucky and Sam watch him carefully from a distance, unable to tell what he's doing. All they can see is his hunched figure by the base of the tree, bent over his arm, his figure silhouetted by a sun that never moves from its position in the sky.

"Should we be worried?" Sam asks, adjusting the goggles on his forehead. "I'm sort of worried."

"He looks pretty shaken."

"Who wouldn't be? He's a kid and he's dead, just like the rest of us. I'd be more worried if he wasn't shaken."

Bucky nods thoughtfully and flexes his metal arm. "I think we should check on him."

"You're sure he doesn't want to be left alone?"

"No. But I'm sure he's not okay, and that's what's important right now."

Sam shrugs and nods, pushing himself up from where he sits. Bucky follows close behind him, traipsing across even ground that stretches forever in all directions toward where Peter's hidden himself away. They come up behind the tree and stand for a minute, prepping themselves to deal with an emotional teenager. Wind blows across the plain.

"Hey," Peter mutters. "I know you're there."

Bucky and Sam stare at each other, wide-eyed and slightly amused. Peter snickers and shook his head, shaggy hair flying around in the wind. He doesn't turn around.

"Can I help you? Or are you just going to sit there and stare at me? Because it would be great if you didn't, but you do you, I guess."

"We just want to check on you, Peter. You've been quiet."

"I'm dead. Forgive me for not being the happiest person right now."

Bucky smirks and steps around the tree, peering around Peter's shoulder to see what he was working on. The boy's managed to open up and remove the upper layer of his right glove, stripping away the armor and leaving a bare skeleton behind. He's messing around with the brass plating that had come from his webshooter, breaking it up into smaller pieces and forming them into oblong rings, positioning them over the knuckles and back of his hand.

"Whatcha doin' there?" He asks, poking a finger at one of the rings. 

Peter hisses- honest to God _hisses_ \- and smacks his hand away, turning with sharp eyes and shaking his head. 

"Look. Don't touch. It's fragile right now."

"Okay, okay." Bucky holds his hands up in surrender. "I won't. But, seriously, what is it?"

Peter hesitates, placing the largest ring on the back of his hand and smacking it to secure its position before starting to put the red exoskeleton back in its place.

"Something to undo all of this if we ever get out of here and have to fight Thanos again. Just a precaution, but..." He shakes his head and grins, chuckling dryly. "It's stupid, really. We're never getting out of here."

"Don't say that," Sam chides, gently bopping him on the back of the head. "We've got a chance, Peter. It's just going to take some time."

"Yeah." He sounds bitter. "I don't know if they have that."

**_______________**

Tony knows that the battle's going to go downhill almost as soon as it starts. It shouldn't be that way; after all, there are three people on his side- himself, Steve, and Thor- and an army on the other: Thanos, the Mad Titan and genocidal blast from the past, along with his entire armada.

But, then again, it's _Thanos_. This is the asshole who managed to wipe out half of all living creatures in the _universe_ , leaving the other half reeling.

It probably doesn't help that he's about ten feet tall and has a gigantic sword, either.

It's obvious that this is a fight he can't win. They've all taken some bad hits- Thor's down for the count, Tony's been smacked in the chest by the broad side of Thanos' sword and ended up in a large heap of what used to be the Compound's common room, and Steve's shield is out of commission for the foreseeable future- and the latter looks like he's ready to take the entire army and die trying.

That's when it happens.

A crackling sound hits Tony's commlink, buzzing through his skull like a swarm of angry bees. He blinks once, twice- maybe he's gone crazy this time.

And then comes the voice.

_"Hey, Mister Stark. Sorry 'bout the wait, but I got stuck in rush hour traffic on the bridge and it was **murder**."_

And, dammit, Tony's never been so happy to hear anything in his life.

Portals fill the air around Steve, gold and swirling with a familiar magic. The first people to step out are T'Challa, Okoye, and Shuri. Then Sam flies out of a portal to Steve's left. Bucky steps into the light. Wanda Maximoff. The Van Dyne and Pym families. The Guardians of the Galaxy, led by Peter Quill.

One suit stands out among all of them.

The Iron Spider is just as sleek and clean as always, shining in the bright light of the portals as Peter Parker- that beautiful, _beautiful_ kid- stands tall and proud, his fists clenched by his sides. Tony watches as he swivels around slowly and catches his eye, staring straight at him like he's never been happier. 

Peter's mask retreats back into the neck of the suit, and he gives Tony the biggest grin.

"Hope I'm not too late."

**_______________**

The next twenty minutes go by like lightning. Tony slashes, blasts, and pushes his way through enemy troops to get to the kid- _his kid_ \- and manages to decimate a good bit of Thanos' army, taking out a few Big Bads on his way. It takes what seems like forever, but he finally does it.

Peter's in the middle of a horde of Outriders when Tony gets to him. The four extra legs of his suit are slashing and stabbing as fast as they can, trying to keep their wearer safe, but there's only so much they can do. After all, the suit's probably due for a few touch-ups by now. Tony makes a mental note to take care of it when the battle's over and blasts the rest of Peter's assailants into thin air before rushing across uneven ground to pull him into his arms.

Peter doesn't even have to look up to know who it is. He just returns Tony's hug with all his strength, pushing his head into Tony's shoulder and hiding it there like a scared child. Faintly, Tony realizes that the kid's shoulders are shaking- he's crying, and he's got every damn right to do so.

It's been five years since Peter _died_. Actually died.

And he's finally back.

"Hey," Tony says, his voice choked with heavy emotions. "Hey, kid."

"Hi. Ah... this is nice. This is nice."

And that's all he has to say, because Tony _knows_ in his heart that Peter's there to stay.

**_______________**

It's in the final minutes of the fight that everything goes south. Peter can see it- Tony, Thor, Steve, and Carol aren't strong enough to take the infinity stones and keep them away. They keep getting hit, keep falling down and forcing themselves back up, but there's only so much they can do.

So Peter steps up.

He jumps into the fight between Carol and Tony, shoving Steve out of harm's way when Thanos swings his sword a bit too close for comfort, and catches the blade between his hands. The momentum carries him up and over the titan's head in an arc so that he lands behind him and sends himself crashing straight into Thanos' back, feet-first.

The impact knocks them both to the ground. Over the ringing in his ears, Peter can hear Tony screaming- _screaming-_ for him to get out of the way and let them handle it, but he knows he can't move.

He can do this. He's ready.

He's willing to sacrifice everything to make sure everyone else is safe.

Peter pushes himself back to his feet and punches Thanos in his unprotected face. His fist catches right under his chin and sends him reeling backward, cracking his head against a rocky outcrop. It's a good hit- there's blood seeping from Thanos' chin, right between a pair of lines- but it isn't enough.

So Peter forces himself forward again and hits Thanos a second time, right above his ear. Stuns him nicely.

"Peter! _Peter, **no!** NO!"_

Tony hasn't stopped screaming. He races forward to pull Peter out of the way and is met with a sticky stream of webbing, forcing him back and attaching himself to a jagged piece of tile. Peter turns, his face unmasked, and smiles. It's too watery to be reassuring- he knows he won't make it out of this- but he has to do what he can.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

He presses a button on the side of his hand, between his thumb and the skin under his pointer finger, and the structure of his right hand changes. Five rings emerge, four over his knuckles and one in the center of his hand. Peter takes a deep breath and strokes his fingers over the rings.

Over his makeshift infinity gauntlet.

Tony's eyes widen behind a film of tears. He renews his struggle against the webbing, thrashing around like a madman and screaming curses. The others just... watch... as Peter inhales, exhales, and takes a stunned Thanos' hand in his own.

He rips the infinity stones out one by one and places them delicately in his own gauntlet. They fit like a glove (ha) and suction themselves in so he doesn't have to fight to keep them where he wants them. Thanos groans, reaches out to try and stop him in a futile gesture, and Peter darts out of the way. His head hurts already with the weight of what's about to happen.

He just knows that he can't do it in the middle of his friends- _no,_ his _family_.

He rushes to the top of a rocky peak, where he's sure that nobody else will get hurt, and stops. Everyone is staring at him like they can hear the way his heart races in his chest, like they can see the way his hands are shaking.

He ignores them and raises his right hand like he imagines it would look in a movie- not the time to be thinking like that, Parker- and waits for what he knows is coming.

The pain hits him like a truck.

It feels like he's been hit by a bolt of lightning. Blinding pain races up and down Peter's arm, channeling itself through the infinity stones in his hand and forcing their way through his muscles and into the rest of his body. He screams- no, it's more like a _wail._

In his short time as a superhero, Peter has felt a lot of pain.

The pain of losing his family.

The pain of being thrown across a parking lot by a hundred-foot-tall man.

The pain of almost drowning.

The pain of being buried under tons upon tons of rubble and having to dig himself out.

The pain of literally being torn apart.

None of it amounts to this.

His knees buckle under the steady beam of light that connects the stones with the sky, unable to hold him up. The skin of his knees scrapes against gravel, biting his kneecaps and drawing blood. He grits his teeth and forces his hand skyward.

Faintly, he can hear Mister Stark pleading for him to stop. He knows he could- he could give up right now and live out the rest of his life- but he can't.

This is his world.

He has a responsibility to protect it.

Peter looks up through a haze of pain, peering through watery eyes at the red-and-gold mass that is his mentor, and smiles.

"Thank you, Mister Stark," he says quietly. "For everything."

It takes every functioning muscle in his body, but Peter forces his ring finger and thumb together.

He snaps.

And he collapses, unable to feel anything but pain and darkness and...

Nothing.

**_______________**

Tony's gone before he even notices it. 

"FRIDAY!" He shouts, already clawing at the interior of his suit. "Open, _now!_ "

FRIDAY, even though she's an AI, seems to notice that her services are needed- and urgently. Before Tony can speak again, she's opened the front of his suit and sent him spilling out onto the cold, hard ground.

The ground that Peter's lying on, motionless.

The kid had fallen like a rock less than a second after he had snapped. It was like all his strings had been cut- just like that, he was down.

Tony can feel his heart beating out a staccato in his chest. _THUDthudTHUDthudTHUDthud..._

He shoves Steve out of the way when he tries to stop him, pushing him into Thor and dodging around Nebula. His feet skid against the ground, sliding over gravel like he was ice skating. They slip out from under him and he crashes to the ground, but he waves away the helping hands, gets up, and keeps running.

It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is Peter.

He's on the ground in front of the outcrop he had been standing on, having slipped off when he had fallen. Tony slides to his knees, ignoring the way his jeans tear, and flips the kid over.

His breath catches in his throat.

Peter looks like death warmed over, his face the color of paper. His eyes are closed, eyelids slack, and the right half of his face is covered in blood and burns. He doesn't look like he's breathing.

Tony shakes his head frantically and pulls Peter's head into his lap, supporting him with his knees. He takes him by the shoulders- probably not the best decision, seeing how Peter doesn't react except for a quiet groan.

He's still alive.

Tony almost sobs, leaning down and pressing his lips to Peter's temple.

"You're okay," he says, noticing with a jolt that his kid- _his kid_ \- is trembling in his grasp. "You're okay, Peter, you're okay."

No response. 

"You have to _breathe,_ kid. Breathe for me, c'mon, you can't just tap out on me like this!"

Pepper, bless her soul, has the decency not to say anything. She walks up without her suit and places a soft hand on Tony's shoulder. He pretends not to notice the way she's shaking. Pretends not to feel a tear hit his cheek.

"Peter- _Peter, **please** -_"

"Tony," she murmurs, rubbing circles into his shoulders. "Is he...?"

"No, no, he's _alive_! He _is,_ I swear, Pep-!" Tony's voice breaks. "Pep..."

Vaguely, he realizes that their little gathering has amassed quite the crowd. Steve, Thor, Clint, Carol, T'Challa and Shuri... the entire battlefield stands silent, staring at their savior.

A sixteen-year-old boy who's dying for the second time.

Shuri, who can't be much older than Peter, grips her brother and buries her face in his shoulder. She's crying.

Tony is, too.

"Mister S-Stark?"

Peter's weak voice drifts upward, quiet and trembling. Tony's head snaps back down to see a pair of wide eyes staring up at him, big and scared and the most heartbreaking thing he's ever seen.

"M-mister St-Stark, it's o- it's okay," Peter whispers, reaching up with one trembling hand- a hand that still has the stones stuck to its glove- to set it on his shoulder. "I- I'm okay."

Tony shakes his head, too overcome to put his emotions into words. He places his hand over Peter's and feels for his pulse point. It's weak, thready. Too quiet.

"I-I swear, I'm g-gonna be fine. I am."

" _No_ , Peter," Tony says frantically. He puts his free hand on Peter's forehead; he's burning up. "We've gotta get you help."

Peter's face pales another shade. A trickle of blood crawls from his forehead to his eyebrow, dripping into his eyes. Tony brushes it away.

"You c-can't. But it's okay."

Behind him, Pepper's crying. He can hear her. He can hear Steve, too, standing at his right. Tony twists around to see him, eyes wide and terrified.

The blond soldier's eyes are dry. He's standing with his head bent over in respect, messy hair falling in his eyes as he watches Peter take what might be his last breaths.

"Steve..." Tony trails off when he hears Peter's breathing take a turn for the worst, changing from a tremble to an ever-so-familiar death rattle. "Steve, I need help."

Steve nods and presses a finger to his commlink, jaw clenched. "We need a medevac. Now. Critical injuries on the battlefield, teenage male. Severe burns from the stones."

He might say something else, but Tony tunes out, because Peter's breathing is rapid and forced and he's _panicking_. The kid stares up at him, his hand falling from Tony's shoulder, and...

And he smiles, just like always.

"Love you, Mister S-Stark."

His eyes close.

His chest stills.

Everything around Tony disappears.

**_______________**

They take Morgan to visit him in the infirmary once the medics deem him stable, even though he hasn't woke up yet. It takes a few weeks- three or four, maybe; time has become fluid and confusing. 

Tony and Pepper walk her down three flights of stairs and into a large white room filled with beds, only one of which is occupied. She's been told about him before, and Tony briefed her on how he probably won't be able to talk to her or hear her. How it'll look like he's asleep. How she has to be very careful not to hurt him.

Pepper holds her hand all the way to Peter's cot. He looks better than he did when he stopped breathing the first three times- they cleaned the blood off of his face and hooked him up to a few machines to keep him alive- but he doesn't look like _Peter_.

Morgan takes one look at him and sits down on the bed beside his arm. She places her hand over his and grins, stroking his burnt fingers without a single thought toward how he looks.

"This is Petey?" She asks, staring at his face like he's her new favorite person in the world.

"This is Petey," Pepper confirmed. "He's your... he's your big brother, Morgan."

"Is he asleep?"

It's such a childlike question that, for a minute, Tony feels like the wind has been knocked straight out of his chest. He breathes out, a long, drawn-out breath, and pulls a chair over to sit beside Morgan and Peter.

"No, Maguna. He's not asleep right now."

"Then why isn't he saying anything?" She asks, turning wide eyes on her mother and father. "Is he not listening?"

"Morgan," Pepper says gently, taking a plastic chair from another bed and sitting next to Tony, "remember how your dad and I told you that Peter can't say anything right now?"

Morgan's quiet for a few seconds. She fidgets with the sheets, watching Peter's still form carefully, and frowns. "But _why?_ "

"Because he's hurt, honey," Tony says. "He got... he got really hurt helping me save you, and he's asleep now so his body can heal itself."

"He helped you? In his Spider-Man suit?"

"That's right, Maguna. In his Spider-Man suit."

"But..." Morgan's lip trembles. "But why did he get hurt?"

Tony and Pepper sigh simultaneously. 

"He's a superhero like daddy," Pepper said. "The best of them all. He saved everybody, and that got him hurt pretty bad."

"Is he going to be okay?"

_No. He's never going to be okay, because it should've been **me**. I should've done something._

"Yeah, honey. He's going to be okay."

**_______________**

It takes two weeks. Two long, vigorous, emotional weeks of waiting. Morgan visits Peter in the infirmary every day, escorted either by Happy, Tony, Rhodey, or Pepper. Some days, she brings her favorite books and reads to him. Others, she drags along a bag of coloring books and markers and sits beside his burned leg, scribbling happily for hours on end.

There's no change until the sixth week since Peter's snap.

Tony's been working in his lab for the majority of the day, focusing on a way to replicate the Pym particles so they can send the infinity stones back to where they came from, when Morgan comes running through the door with the biggest smile on her face and a pair of red and blue crayons in her hand.

"Daddy!" She shouts, skipping around his desk and knocking her fingers against the Iron Man suit like she's playing the drums. "Guess what?!"

"What's up, Maguna?" Tony asks tiredly. "Daddy's busy right now."

"Petey's awake!"

His heart skips a beat. Tony's standing before he knows it, grabbing Morgan and sweeping her up in his arms. They race through the halls of the Compound at what feels like the speed of light, dodging agents and Avengers alike (Sam spills his coffee) until they're standing in front of Peter's medical room, breathing heavily.

Tony places his hand on the doorknob, sucks in a deep breath, and opens the door.

He can't see through the crowd of people surrounding the bed. May, Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Steve, and a multitude of doctors have gathered around it and are so tightly woven that they might as well be a wall. Nevertheless, Tony pushes forward. He shoves his way between a crying May (probably not the best decision, seeing how she's the kid's actual _aunt_ ) and Pepper, and what he sees makes everything okay again.

Peter, tired but triumphant, grins back at him. There's a bandage wrapped around the burnt half of his face and his eyes are bloodshot and exhausted. He's supported by three or four pillows, unable to sit up judging from the pale pallor of his skin and the way he's lost weight, but _God_. Tony's never seen anything so welcoming in his life.

"Hey, Mister Stark," he croaks. "I think I slept in."


End file.
